Monday, October 7, 2013
aging: a view from the middle
true v fantasy wisdom and other realities, body, love, fear of dying. energy, loss of X that ...
acceptance is an act of awareness and offers healing from shame
Feeling unworthy, like an imposter , not good enough, small, less than others, and certainly less than acceptably accomplished are some of the descriptions with which I sometimes identify. I understand that I'm not alone. And one author in particular helped me to connect to that fact and to begin to connect to my own inherent worth. Tara Brach, in her book Radical Acceptance, makes mindfulness and acceptance accessible to persons like me who are open to the concepts of Buddhism and mindfulness, but do not necessarily identify with or practice Buddhism.
Brach discusses what she calls the trance of unworthiness, and that all judgments and distractions from the present are a trance state. It is revelatory to look at life in this manner, although it brings to mind the captive and comatose masses dreaming their lives away in The Matrix.
It boggles my mind that I can understand and agree that judgments, including--and even especially--self-judgments, as self-judgments are often greatest in number and harshness, are both subjective conjurings of the mind, and that they indeed obscure what IS by shaming or priding us into altered behaviors and modes of thinking, and yet I forget this fact almost every minute of every day. I have to remind myself repeatedly daily, and at times to no avail, that my thoughts and judgments are not reality and do not determine my value. One gift of this book is that I now sometimes remember to remind myself when I fall into trance. It often works and even when it doesn't, it still provides some relief, some sense that even though I am mired in my emotions based on self-judgments, I have some awareness that I am not this judgment, and that I will remember that eventually. But I have to hear this information over often in order to remember to practice it. Once is never enough. So, when I find myself forgetting or in need, I listen to a bits Radical Acceptance regularly on walks with my dog or when driving from place to place.
The other gift of this book is its physicality. Buddhist practice is heavily rooted in the body (and mind), quite different from Christianity, and here again, Tara's descriptions make the practices of coming into your body very relatable and accessible. In times of emotional turmoil, I became able to recognize the tension in my body. And as soon as I acknowledged it, my body released and relaxed.
But perhaps the greatest gift of this book is that it addresses shame and makes it shameless. I carry a great deal of personal shame, and at the time I first read Tara's book I was drowning in the stuff. I was so full of shame that I was crippled in interactions with casual friends, neighbors, even store clerks. When alone, I mentally self-flagellated non-stop. In my mind, I fell short in comparison to any and everyone I met and that was good reason to beat myself up. Tara's book helped me get in touch with the fact that I am not my thoughts and not my failures (real or perceived). Like all of us, I am a human being with a kind and caring heart, an intelligent and sentient spark and beautiful, if but for the pain and difficulties I have endured. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of acceptance. I am just as worthy as anyone. And so are you.
If you're interested in learning more about releasing shame and embracing acceptance, Tara Brach's website has a wealth of mostly free audio and video lessons and guided meditations on mindfulness, acceptance, and presence of the moment. Her books are also available on amazon and audible.
Brach discusses what she calls the trance of unworthiness, and that all judgments and distractions from the present are a trance state. It is revelatory to look at life in this manner, although it brings to mind the captive and comatose masses dreaming their lives away in The Matrix.
It boggles my mind that I can understand and agree that judgments, including--and even especially--self-judgments, as self-judgments are often greatest in number and harshness, are both subjective conjurings of the mind, and that they indeed obscure what IS by shaming or priding us into altered behaviors and modes of thinking, and yet I forget this fact almost every minute of every day. I have to remind myself repeatedly daily, and at times to no avail, that my thoughts and judgments are not reality and do not determine my value. One gift of this book is that I now sometimes remember to remind myself when I fall into trance. It often works and even when it doesn't, it still provides some relief, some sense that even though I am mired in my emotions based on self-judgments, I have some awareness that I am not this judgment, and that I will remember that eventually. But I have to hear this information over often in order to remember to practice it. Once is never enough. So, when I find myself forgetting or in need, I listen to a bits Radical Acceptance regularly on walks with my dog or when driving from place to place.
The other gift of this book is its physicality. Buddhist practice is heavily rooted in the body (and mind), quite different from Christianity, and here again, Tara's descriptions make the practices of coming into your body very relatable and accessible. In times of emotional turmoil, I became able to recognize the tension in my body. And as soon as I acknowledged it, my body released and relaxed.
But perhaps the greatest gift of this book is that it addresses shame and makes it shameless. I carry a great deal of personal shame, and at the time I first read Tara's book I was drowning in the stuff. I was so full of shame that I was crippled in interactions with casual friends, neighbors, even store clerks. When alone, I mentally self-flagellated non-stop. In my mind, I fell short in comparison to any and everyone I met and that was good reason to beat myself up. Tara's book helped me get in touch with the fact that I am not my thoughts and not my failures (real or perceived). Like all of us, I am a human being with a kind and caring heart, an intelligent and sentient spark and beautiful, if but for the pain and difficulties I have endured. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of acceptance. I am just as worthy as anyone. And so are you.
If you're interested in learning more about releasing shame and embracing acceptance, Tara Brach's website has a wealth of mostly free audio and video lessons and guided meditations on mindfulness, acceptance, and presence of the moment. Her books are also available on amazon and audible.
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